A FO – Drape front dress

I made this from ONION 2034 – knit drape front dress, a pattern I liked the second I saw it. 
I made it in a light grey patterned viscose (rayon) knit fabric that is thin-ish and very slippery (and revealing, the way it sometimes clings to the body), and I think I would prefer a fabric with a bit more structure.
I made it with long sleeves and without the back darts, because I wanted a relaxed day look, suitable for wearing in the winter. I wore it (unhemmed) at a birthday party the day I almost finished it and got many compliments, but looking at this picture (wearing it with heels), I think it does need the extra shaping from the darts (and also, please excuse the tired look on my face and the wrinkels on the dress).

The second picture shows how I wore it most of the day (before changing for the picturetaking) and I like this more – maybe because the colours are better for me and the styling (with the boots and the sweater) is so much more comfortable and warm (and less revealing).

When I make this again, I’ll do a forward shoulder alteration, maybe with a round back alteration as well, and also I’ll use a fabric with a little more structure (more t-shirt-y).

I stopped smoking a little more than 2 months ago (after 20 years of smoking around 20 cigarettes a day), and even though I have been excercising, I still have gained some weight. I know I’ll lose it again, but it still makes me feel very strange looking at these pictures and realising that my body has changed.  The extra weight is especially sitting at my chest and my stomach, and my face.

I love that I finally quit smoking! I have been struggling for years to stop – and I think one of the reasons it has been so difficult, is that I have been afraid of gaining weight. I still am. But I’m trying to deal with it in a healthy(er) way. I can’t smoke anymore. Besides the usual reasons (fear of cancer, etc.) I simply had trouble breathing, especially when I was excercising, and I began the summer vacation with two weeks of pneumonia – the second time in 4 years.

But with all that – it’s still so very very difficult. I wouldn’t say it’s a struggle everyday – it isn’t. But I think about smoking several times during the day, and  I can’t relax about it yet. I’m using the smallest size nicotine patch, and this is my last week with patches.

Like most women I know, I have body image problems, and have had them forever. I have used food (or no-food) as a way to control my emotions from time to time and to reward and/or punish myself. I have used cigarettes the same way. I have smoked to control my appetite, and to hide feelings. While I don’t think I’m more angry after I stopped, my family definitely thinks so.  Because I let them know when I’m upset now.

It’s a difficult pattern to break. And putting these pictures up for the world to see is difficult. But it is who I am. I am a grown woman, who gained weight after stopping smoking. And I guess that’s allright (all though I’ll still choose a less revealing fabric next time!!  )